Dealing With Life as A Single

It's hard to believe that after 42 years of marriage I am now a single. It is really just starting to hit me. At first I just pretended he was still on the couch waiting for me when I got home late in the evening.  But now I realize it's just two dogs sitting by the door. And they are a comfort to me. I think Brownie our bagel[basset and beagle] actually understands he is gone.   She sits in his spot on the couch. 

The second thing that hits you is you are responsible for everything. Sometimes a little overwhelming.  And our adult children although they care,  they have their own lives and I must respect that. You learn to go on. In some ways my life is the same as I am still in the same church he pastored and trying to help the new pastor. I don't know if the new pastor fills he's getting help or not? But I need to feel that way.

I am not ready for dating or going out as my adult children call it. It still hurts inside, I really am not over him yet.  Some say I never will be. The other day someone actually said something that helped. They said he wants you to be happy. I think he does, but it is hard to go on without him.

Also we have another milestone, his birthday. And what do I do with Valentines? He was careful to always remember that.  So after you get through one milestone comes another. All in all people tell me I am doing well. But for me and the kids we now just want to get the first year over.  It's not easy

So I am single again and a close friend of mine said I am on a new journey. That was shortly before my kitchen ceiling fell through.  And my landlord said just don't stand under it. It was above my kitchen sink and stove. I called her and said, is this what you mean by a new journey? Now my furnace is making funny noises. I afraid to see how long I have to wait for that. but it's all part of my new journey.

So I must journey along and see what else comes my way. My husband used to have a joke about an optimist that jumped out of a tall building. As he was going down he said, so far, so good. So for right now everything is so far, so good.