To continue on with Randy and me, I needed to pick up some items he needed. He wanted some shoes as his feet had been very swollen and some new shorts for the summer, plus a quit claim deed for the trailer. I ended up at three stores to get these items, but I did find his favorite ice cream at of all places Walmart. I hate Walmarts. I worked retail for years and if I set up a store the way they do I would be kicked out. Lousy marketing. Anyway this set me a little behind in getting to the trailer. When I got there I was very surprised because Randy had showered and shaved and was dressed very nicely. I gave him his new shoes and they fit perfectly. He really looked nice. He wanted to go to Greeley to turn in the deed. It was about an hour away. I was very surprised he wanted to go that far. I said we can get the deed notarized at a bank and I can take it later. No he wanted to go to Greeley. So we set out. It was a beautiful Colorado day and I opened the sunroof on my Intrepid and we got going. We were even laughing and it was as though everything was normal. and I though maybe we'll have him a little longer. I can't express the joy in my heart after the last four days I had been through with him. It was like a cloud had been lifted off and I could see clearly. We traveled about an half an hour and all of a sudden it was like all hell broke loose. Randy started coughing and holding his chest. He couldn't get his breath and then he was bent over with pain. I had seen him do this before and we usually waited it out but this went on a little longer than before. He got out of the car and put his hands against the car and continued coughing. I said let's call 911 he said no wait, I think I'm getting better. It finally simmered down a little and he said let's go to a restaurant and get a drink. We found a truck stop he liked and went in. I was shaking and needed to eat and Randy ordered a drink. He was still in quite a bit of pain. I ate quickly only because I had to eat, I get low blood sugar. As soon as I finished he said I need to go to the hospital. I went up and paid the bill and asked how to get to the hospital. The cashier told me and I said I was going to pick up Randy at the other door and drive around to get him. I was shaking pretty bad, but I tried to keep my cool. I have been through a lot of medical emergencies with my husband so I carry on pretty good. But I was scared.
The cashier had walked Randy outside to a chair near the parking lot. He was starting to have heavy heaving in his chest. I knew this was bad. He got in the car and I almost got on the wrong road but Randy told me were to go. We were traveling but it seemed longer than the cashier had said. Finally we saw a hospital sign. Thank God. We just kept following these blue signs we had no idea where we were. Finally I started to see a big building and I said I bet that is the hospital and it was. I got Randy in and then went to park the car. I was scared stiff. I came in and they had Randy in a room already asking him all kinds of questions. His chest was heaving heavily up and down. He was in excruciating pain. They checked for heart attack but ruled that out right away. The Dr asked me where he had been in the hospital and I told her. They moved him to another room and we waited and waited. There was a young aid there and he was from Elmhurst. Ill., so that kind of helped. I could tell without them telling me something was up and it wasn't good. Finally the Dr came and took me outside the room and explained what she thought was happening. She had concluded that the cancer had ruptured the peridium a sac around the heart and the fluid had leaked out. Because of the seriousness of his cancer there was nothing they could do. His heart was beating 40 beats a minute and would continue to slow down and he would die. It usually takes 3 to 4 days to happen. The explanation took about 2 minutes to explain and she was gone. In fact I had to say, well at least you are going to give him something for pain? After a few minutes Randy was resting and really nothing left to do but sit and wait. The kid from Illinois was great, he said I want to get you a social worker because I want to tell you something special about our hospital. And my angel stepped in again and worked another miracle. I had told them Randy had no insurance. They said don't worry about that, we can work that out.
The social worker came in and told me, we have a hospice here that on occasion when someone is going to pass quickly and they have no financing they take them for free. I was in disbelief. All this time trying to get help, trying to find someone to help us, and God brought us to this hospital. In fact the social worker told me we are one of the few hospices who do this. All along God was with us and knew exactly where he was going to bring us. I never have seen God work so directly in my life. They took Randy to a holding room. Later on they brought in a tray of food and he asked if he could eat. They were very happy to see him eat. Then the Dr came while Randy was eating and I signed the awful paper no resuscitation. That is the worst paper in the world to sign, but I didn't want him to suffer the way he was breathing. I asked the Dr. should I tell him and she said wait until tomorrow. I went in and Randy was actually sitting up. The lady came in from the hospice and I signed the papers. On the bottom -0- balance. I told Randy he was going into the hospice. He guessed at once and he said, I wanted to die at home. I said I know but I am not well enough to take care of you and we are pretty far from home. I think we need to stay here. Then he asked me what are they going to do for me and I said there is nothing they can do for you. He said you mean I'll be like this the rest of my life? And I said yes. I did not tell him just how long the rest of his life would be.
They came and took us to his room in the hospice. I almost cried when I saw it. It was beautiful , done in light purple with darker purple around the top. Rockies colors. It was a man's room done with the Rockies theme. Yes, there are other teams than Sox's and Cubs. It was so restful and they were so kind and helpful. They only had a few patients so they said they could give Randy very good care. Really it was quite unbelievable. I sat there for a long time and Randy finally went to sleep, but not before he said to me "I love you" and I said "I love you" back to him. It was raining so they didn't want me to travel back to Westminster. They have a little motel there for the hospice. A guard walked me to the door of my room. It took me a long time to go to sleep. I was afraid the phone would ring and it would be about Randy....continue tomorrow
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