Continuing With a Brother's Love

The next day I went immediately up to Randy's. He lived in Decono about 20 miles from Westminster. It seemed like an eternity driving up to the trailer. Dad had bought this trailer after the divorce and had really worked hard on it to fix it up, but now not in too good of shape because of Randy's health. I knocked on the door and Randy came out. He looked pretty bad. I could tell the winter had taken it's toll on him. He wasn't answering the phone because everyone was trying to tell him what to do. We'll there is only one person  who can make these decisions this close to death and that is the person going through it.He wanted to go out and eat but it took him forever to get ready. He moved very slowly and I thought what if he falls down on me. We went to eat and then he wanted to to personal business. He was insistent we do this this day. So we went where he wanted to go. Clearly he was too ill to even be doing this, but there was no stopping him. He knew exactly what he wanted to accomplish. Coming back in the car he had a seizure from the lesion in his brain. I am thinking what am I doing he needs to be in the hospital. When we got back to the trailer I called the Dr. at the hospital. She said not to bring him there, there was nothing more to do for him, I needed a hospice.  Here I had a very ill person on my hands and no help. I spent the rest of the day trying to find a hospice. Not an easy thing to do evidently. We'll one could come out in a few days and evaluate him then set up a program for him and we would go from there. I was reaching my end with this. I yelled into the phone well if he is still alive by then you can come and hung up.  There was absolutely no one to help me. I went into Dad's bedroom and well, I cried. I didn't know what else to do. I cried to God, I cried to Dad why did you leave me with this. I was a mess.  After laying there for a while I realized this was not productive, but I did feel a little better.  I came out and Randy was now awake and I said do you want me to stay, or should I go back to Jan's mainly because my clothes were at Jan's. He said he would be alright by himself and I left him my cell phone # and left. Totally exhausted not only from today but yesterday driving, no real rest at night and just the strain of everything.  Jan had dinner waiting for me and we talked about the situation. What a great friend I have in Jan.  I also was upset because three times Randy had been denied social security disability, so we had little resources and I felt like writing a letter to the Judge, do you think maybe he is sick enough now!  I still want to do something about this. Some kind of law that people should not have to go through this when they are sick. It still makes me mad.  I tried to watch some TV with Mike and Jan but nothing was clear to me. I finally excused myself and went to bed. Hopefully, I would at least sleep a little better tonight.... Continuing tomorrow